


Constellations Forming Out of Scar Lines

by Ellienerd14



Series: All That's Left Is Us, Star Dust And Rust [1]
Category: Class (TV 2016), Doctor Who & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Everything is the Same, F/M, M/M, Spoilers, The gang visits Rhodia, but april wakes up as april, post the lost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2018-10-31 18:18:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 13,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10904814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellienerd14/pseuds/Ellienerd14
Summary: "I want-" Charlie cut himself off."What do you want?" The Doctor asked. The Prince was curled up around the Cabinet of Souls, his eyes red and checks wet."I want to go home." Charlie looked up at the Doctor hopefully. "Not forever. But I need to get away. I need to say goodbye to Rhodia. I need to say I'm sorry."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [feathertail](https://archiveofourown.org/users/feathertail/gifts).



> I started writing this right after 'the lost' which explains why it isn't my best work but there's a lot I want to add to this. 
> 
> Also shoutout to feathertail for proof reading my work!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor gets a call and finally decides to visit the Coal Hill gang again.

Andra'ath started yelling from the minute that he picked up the phone. The Doctor wasn't surprised; the Quill race was infamously known for being fierce. But it was what she was yelling about that gave him chills.

"I told you they were just children!" She practically spat out the words. Not quite as settled or happy as the Doctor had hoped. "They are children and now half of them are orphaned. Charles won't stop crying." Andra'ath paused to take a shaky breath. "April MacLean is dead. And it's your fault."

The Doctor was already bringing the TARDIS to life. Andra'ath had stopped yelling now. He could hear voices in the background; Charlie's soft one apologising over and over in his native language, Tanya crying and Ram yelling out an alarming amount of swear words that seemed to be directed at the (once) Prince of Rhodia.

"I'm on my way." It was a promise. The TARDIS hummed as she came to life.

"Remember Doctor," she warned. Andra'ath's voice was sharper this time, all of the past vulnerability gone. "Remember that you promised that you'd help us with our problems. Well now is the time to keep that promise. Goddess knows we've got enough."

* * *

Coal Hill was empty, even though it should be the middle of a school day. This didn't help the Doctor's worry - or his guilt. Andra'ath was right, they were only children. And now at least one of them had died.

They were all gathered in the hall. The Doctor had only caught a fleeting glance of the group before and despite the rough night they'd been having then, it was obvious that the events of today had crushed them completely. Andra'ath was holding on to her swollen stomach - the Doctor should really question her on that later. Tanya was sitting next to her teacher, no longer crying but looking like she was about to fall apart any moment. Ram was sat near a body - April's body - head in hands. He looked completely defeated. Charlie was missing (which didn't seem like a good sign) but Matteusz - his boyfriend, according to Quill's (passive aggressive) updates - was frantically typing on a phone. He was probably trying to contact Charlie. Something about his concerned expression gave him away.

Andra'ath tried to stand up as she turned her tear rimmed glare on the Doctor. Tanya helped her, supporting her teacher onto her feet. But pregnant or not, Andra'ath was clearly a force to be a force to be reckoned with. (Most Quill were.)

"You!" Andra'ath raised her hand and slapped him. The sharp smack echoed though the hall and brought the attention of the two boys. "I told you. Children! They are children and they are scarred because you couldn't be bothered to stick around and deal with the Shadow Kin yourself!"

She didn't give him a chance to recover before continuing her rant. Andra'ath seemed furious. "And we had to deal with it. These children have lost their families. A girl has died. Charles had to use the Cabinet. Who's to say he isn't on the roof right now about to make it two deaths?"

Matteusz stood up. "Do not say that about him. I already have worries." He looked at his phone and went back to typing, more desperate to hear from his boyfriend then before.

"Charlie used the Cabinet?" The Doctor had hoped it wouldn't come to using the weapon.

"He had no choice. And while I'm glad our enemy is dead, I do not want to be alone on this world because he cannot deal with the grief."

"Please. No more."

"April-" Ram let out a choked sob as he reached out towards the girl's body. "Can you help her?"

The Doctor stepped towards him, Andra'ath's harsh words still ringing in his brain. They hurt more than the slap, although it had no doubt left a mark.

He scanned April's unconscious form with his screwdriver. She had a heartbeat, faint, but a heartbeat all the same. Not dead, only knocked out.

All the Shadow Kin blood had mixed with her own as they shared a beating heart. And now the Shadow King was dead, the shadow was gone, weakening April. With most people, death would be inevitable but April was strong. She was fighting it and if she was fighting there was a chance she could be saved.

And, despite what Andra'ath claimed, the Doctor always aimed to save people where possible.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> April recovers and catches up with Ram.

April's tragedy had begun at only eight years old when her own father had tried to kill her in a car crash. She hadn't been injured badly, in fact the doctors had said she was lucky. April hadn't felt _lucky_.

However, the crash had been enough to knock April out, leaving her trapped in her own drugged up head as the world she knew fell apart. By the time April had woken up, her entire everything she had known was changed. Her Dad was in prison, her Mum was in a wheelchair and April had no choice but than to grow up.

Opening her eyes after dying was like that. (But she hadn't died, so maybe she was in heaven.) April wasn't in a hospital this time, with no anxious nurses plugging in a drip to her arm. But the deadly feeling of panic was the same.

"Shouldn't I be dead?" The words had been clear in her head - the clearest thing April was thinking - but came out heavy and slurred.

"April!" Ram's voice was close but opening her eyes was too painful to check if he was by her side. April hoped so; the worst part of waking up all those years ago was realising neither parent was by her bedside.

"Ram?" April blinked away the heaviness from her eyes. Ram was crouched next to her, already wrapping his arm around her waist to steady her.

"You're okay." Ram kissed her cheek softly. "I - we all thought you were dead."

"I thought that too." She pushed herself up into a sitting position, swaying a little and leaning against Ram for support.

"Charlie-"

April shook her head. "I already forgave him for pulling the trigger before he picked up a gun."

Part of April knew it would have come down to that - the Shadow King dying as well as her. For the greater good.

In the very end, in what April thought were her last breaths, she forgave Charlie. Because someone had to and April knew Charlie well enough that it wasn't going to be himself.

"Where is he?" April and Ram were completely alone, in a strange room. "Where are we?"

"The TARDIS," Ram answered.

"The what?" April swayed a little more and he tightened his grip, pulling her closer to him. It was comforting, resting against Ram like that.

"It's the Doctor's space ship. April, you were dying." Ram tightened his grip further, although April was no longer swaying. She let him. "And then he took you into the medical bay. Gave you a medicine from another world. And then you weren't dying. He really is a doctor. He saved you." 

"Ram," April took her boyfriend's hand and interlocked their fingers, "Did you get my message?"

Ram seemed lost for words. April couldn't look at him. Her last act was supposed to give him proof that she cared. Her last act was supposed to say goodbye but he didn't pick up the phone. Now she was free, she needed to say it in person. Face to face, with no confessions. No forcing the truth out of them. Just the two of them, in the eye of the storm, looking into each other's eyes. 

"It was why I came back," Ram admitted quietly. "Did you mean it?"

"I did," April leaned closer so her forehead rested against her boyfriend's. " _I love you_."

"I'm so glad you're alive," Ram said. He smiled at her. It was the first time April had seen him do so in almost a week. And then he leaned forward to kiss her.

"Me too," April moved so she was crouching. "Can you help me get up?"

"Yeah." Ram steadied her as she rose up onto shaky feet. "You okay?"

"I am," April leaned against Ram again. Not for support this time. Just to be closer to him.

"Where are the others?"

"Tanya and Miss Quill are in the hall. The Doctor went to look for Charlie. Matteusz is still trying to call him."

"Why did Charlie run off?" April asked, sure she'd hate the answer she was about to get.

"He used the Cabinet," Ram answered. "Quill thinks he's run away permanently. Or that... and Matteusz just wants to find him."

"I want to find him," April said firmly. "I need to show him I'm okay." Something about Ram's tone was worrying her. He wasn't telling her something.

"We should meet the others first." Ram curled his hand around hers again. "They're equally worried about you."

"I need to call my mum." April felt dread creep in. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's been calling." Ram passed April her phone. "I would have answered but I wasn't sure what to say."

** 34 missed calls from Mum **

April hit the call button and breathed out in relief as her Mum picked up on the first ring.

"April, love, I'm so glad to hear from you. Are you okay?"

April looked over at Ram. "I'm getting there."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> April wakes up as April because honestly I'm struggling to think of an other way that isn't going to slow down the story. 
> 
> Plus it's Patrick Ness' problem to fix.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang regroup and plan to find Charlie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for mentions of suicide

**The[song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkcJW4wrZZg) that inspired my title.**

* * *

April let Ram support her as she rose to her feet. She wasn't made of glass. She was stronger than she should ever have had to be but even the strongest soldiers need someone to hold them sometimes.

Stepping back into the hall was a strange experience. One minute April was in a huge, outlandish console room, and the next she was back into her school hall. The juxtaposition was jarring.

"We were in that box?" Maybe April had hit her head again. The whole alien thing did that sometimes: it left her feeling like it was all some kind of magic trick. But the telephone box they had just left was smaller on the outside. It was disorientating to say the least.

"It's bigger on the inside. It took me by surprise too," Ram said, with a shrug. Part of April wanted to roll her eyes at how casual Ram was acting towards a literal space (and time) ship. Another part of her wanted to hug him for acting even the slightest bit normal. 

The Doctor was gone, and so was Charlie. Matteusz looked like he was crying, phone pressed against his ear. April knew how he felt, desperately calling someone that wouldn't (or couldn't) pick up.

"April?" Tanya got to her feet. Her cheeks were wet as well, and April wondered which part of the day had caused it.

"I'm okay," April said. It was reassuring to tell someone that, even though she doubted anyone in the room would believe her.

"Are you?" Tanya asked. She hugged her friend tightly; Tanya clearly needed comforting.

"Not really. But it's one of those days, isn't it?"

 _One of those days when you ferl like breaking down._ _When_ _you could justify holding onto someone's hand like you didn't think you'd get a second chance to do so._ _When_ _everything was falling apart faster than you could put them back together._

"I'm glad to see you're alive." On any other day hearing that sentence would be worrying. But after finally getting her heart back, dying, and waking up in a space ship, it was kind of nice to hear. Maybe April could get Matteusz' words on repeat - 'you're alive'. It was still hard to process.

April put her hand on her heart. It was beating steadily, and was completely hers. (Although, as she glanced at Ram, maybe not.) "Me too."

"Can we look for Charlie now?" Tanya's question was directed at Miss Quill, who had remained silent until now. Her hands were holding her round stomach. (April _really_ needed a catch up.)

"I've already told you that the Prince needs space." Miss Quill pulled herself up into a standing position.

"No." Matteusz shook his head. "I know Charlie better than anyone here, even you. I know what he thinks to himself when he has space."

"We can't just let him run off," Tanya added, crossing her arms. She and Matteusz made a stubborn pair. "Charlie's our friend."

"I don't doubt that," Miss Quill said. She didn't seem to have the same seething hatred for Charlie now. Maybe it was her freedom. Maybe it was the fact he used the Cabinet of Souls. April hoped it was the former. "But the Prince isn't going to get magically recovered by the presence of his friends."

"You cannot say those things about Charlie, about what he will do if he's alone, and expect us to leave him!" April rarely saw Matteusz angry. He was one of the most relaxed people she knew. But with Charlie, it was obvious that Matteusz would fight armies to keep him safe. (Charlie would do the same. She'd seen it first hand.)

"What has she been saying?" April was afraid of the answer she would get.

"That Charlie will..." Tanya paused, as if she could stop anything from happening to him just by dragging out her sentence, "kill himself."

"He wouldn't." April stepped towards Miss Quill without thinking. Ram held onto her arm. "Charlie wouldn't."

"He's grieving. The thought crosses the mind of every soldier who grieves for who they have killed." Miss Quill traced her fading scar. April wondered what was going on in her head.

"Charlie is not a soldier," Matteusz said firmly. 

"You think things are different for a prince?" Miss Quill asked. She looked like she was at breaking point. Not for the first time, April considered asking Miss Quill if she was okay. Not for the first time, she was afraid of the answer.

"He's not a prince to me. He's just my boyfriend. And I love him." Tears trickled down Matteusz' cheek. "And I need to find Charlie and tell him that."

Matteusz headed towards the door, clearly desperate to find Charlie. April followed him. She needed to find him. Tanya followed suit and Ram caught up with the three of them. They were all in this together. April knew they couldn't let Charlie face what he did alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm adding more angst per chapter oops.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor finally finds Charlie, who has a strange request.

When the Doctor had saved Charlie and Andra'ath, he had chosen Earth for them for a reason. The Doctor knew Earth. He knew about the kindness and bravery and sacrifice humans had. He put Charlie on Earth so he could make friends, so he could grieve and laugh and have adventures. (He had hoped for more ordinary adventures like prom and boyfriends, instead of with other aliens but some things couldn't be changed.)

The Doctor had chosen a planet where Charlie wouldn't feel alone in the universe because he knew exactly what it was like to feel alone when grieving. He knew how it made you want to run away.

Now Charlie _had_ run away, and it was the Doctor's fault. He had left the Prince to grieve alone and he'd been forced to fight.

According to Andra'ath, he'd been forced to use the Cabinet of Souls to protect the people of Earth. To protect the people he cared most about. He risked everything to protect his only friends. The Doctor knew that feeling, it sparked in him again as he walked past Clara's name, hyper-aware of it, as always.

Coal Hill had changed its layout since the last time he'd was here. Clara's classroom was moved to another floor, taken by another teacher. (The Doctor could remember her classroom, and her laugh, and her hitting him with English books. The Doctor still couldn't remember her face... apart from her eyes; Clara Oswald had eyes that were so _alive_.)  
The Doctor paused, pulled away from his lonely thoughts by a soft noise. Crying, coming from inside a classroom somewhere in the Science hallway. One door was ajar and light flooded into the otherwise dark hallway. (He could understand why Charlie wanted light. Even Princes were afraid of the dark.)

"Charlie?" The Doctor kept his voice soft. If Clara was here, she'd do the same. She would have treated Charlie like he was breakable. Fragile. Maybe even broken. And then she'd fix him. (Clara had fixed a lot of sad aliens in her time.)

"You?" Charlie was slumped against the wall, holding onto the Cabinet of Souls like he was protecting it, or perhaps clinging to it as a lifeline. "You're here?"

"I got a phone call. Andra'ath wanted help." Charlie seemed to take a minute before he recognised the name of his companion.

"It's a little late to help us." Charlie sounded bitter. Not in the way Andra'ath did, not angry and bitter mixed together. He mostly sounded sad. The heartbroken kind of bitter.

"April is-"

"Healing," the Doctor finished for him. If the girl was strong enough to fight the internal battle, she'd live. Over a thousand years of travelling was enough to know a fighter when he saw them.

"I killed her," Charlie was crying again now. "April was my best friend. And I killed her."

"But you didn't. April is going to live."

Charlie looked - for the first time since the Doctor had saved him - hopeful. "She will?"

"I'm sure of it. She's tough. Reminds me of Clara."

"I still killed her. I knew she'd die if he did but I still killed him. And I've killed so many people." The Prince's eyes glistened with the threat of more tears. "My people, the Shadow Kin. Too many."

"Charlie-"

"And now-" Charlie's voice wavered. "I-"

"Charlie-" The Doctor's voice was louder this time.

"I want-" Charlie cut himself off again.

"What do you want?" The Doctor asked gently. The Prince was shaking, as if the thoughts in his head were rattling him physically as well as mentally. His eyes were red and bloodshot from crying. The Doctor thought back to the boy the Prince loved looking the same as he clutched the phone, dialling again and again, over and over, praying and praying that the line would pick up.

"I want to go home," Charlie finished finally. The Doctor wasn't surprised. Everyone wanted to go home eventually.

"Where is home to you?"

"Rhodia," Charlie answered quickly and looked up at the Doctor hopefully. "You can take me, can't you? Not forever. But I need to get away. I need to say goodbye to my home. I never got the chance to before." Charlie sniffled. "I need to say I'm sorry."

The Doctor remembered Charlie's face when he was rescued. He didn't look happy. He looked regretful. He looked like he wanted to go home.

When the Doctor had stolen his TARDIS, it had been to run away. But he had intended to come home one day. And then he lost his home forever.

"Tragedy changes things."

"I know," Charlie said. "Going back will be painful. It won't be home anymore but I need to say goodbye. I need to return the Cabinet of Souls to where it belongs. I can't look at it every day as a reminder of what I did."

"I can take you back," the Doctor said. "It'll be easier if you're not alone."

"Maybe." Charlie rested a trembling hand on top the Cabinet. "But tragedy changes things." He smiled though his tears (the most heart-breaking way to smile) and he rose to his feet. "Please, Doctor. I want to go home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In regards to Charlie knowing Miss Quills real name, I think he must actually know it. A terrorist leader and group must have been in the Rhodian equivalent of the news. He must have been told her name at least once right? Just a little theory. 
> 
> Also clealy I was having a lot of Clara feels when writing this. (Also she might show up later in the series but ot depends.)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang look for Charlie.

_How stupidly in love would a person be if calling someone who won't pick up was the worst part of the day from hell?_

April had been helping Matteusz look for Charlie for twenty minutes. They had checked the library and most of the first floor classrooms. April wasn't even sure if Charlie was still in school. It was empty now; the Shadow Kin must have scared everyone off, even the teachers. Matteusz had kept quiet, apart from the constant calls that Charlie wasn't picking up.

In April's experience, there was two kinds of silence. The first kind, where you couldn't find anything to say. (April had suffered from it when they said her mum would never walk again.) The second type was a whole different kind of heartbreaking. It was the silence where you had everything to say but never the right words.

April had a feeling Matteusz was suffering was the second type. So was she. There would never be the right words to comfort when someone's life was on the line.

Maybe the real question she should have been considering was: _what happens if they never picked up?_

April swallowed it. If she asked, it would probably burn her throat.

"Matteusz," April started. Then she stopped, unsure of how to comfort him.

The silence had more weight to it now. April tried again. "Charlie wouldn't do anything stupid."

"But would a prince who had lost everything?" Matteusz asked.

"You've never seen Charlie as just a prince." April reminded him. She was right although they never discussed it before. Matteusz looked at Charlie like he was the prettiest thing he'd ever seen. He wasn't worried by him being a prince or an alien or weird.

"That's what Charlie sees when he looks at himself. A lost prince," Matteusz said. There was a lot of weight to his words, like the events of the day was finally hitting him.

"He told you that?" April couldn't imagine Charlie admitting that to anyone. (Although if he did admit, it would be to Matteusz.)

"It broke my heart."

April thought back to the confessions the rocks had forced out of them all. _I love you. I think of you all the time. My heart sometimes breaks just for the thinking of you but I'm also afraid of you._

"Is that why you're afraid of him?" April asked. She'd been trying to figure that out for the last week. There was a lot of reasons to be afraid of Charlie. But loving someone who broke your heart just by breaking apart themself, who wouldn't fear that? April did - it's why she was afraid of being with Ram. Of what he could do to her.

"I don't want to answer that," Matteusz told her. "I just want to find Charlie, wherever he is."

"Sorry," April said softly. "I want to find him too."

Matteusz nodded and went back to calling. He was still getting no answer. April wondered if Charlie even had his phone with him. Whether he was watching as his boyfriends contact lit up the screen again and again or whether Matteusz's calls were only reaching a discarded phone. April really hoped it was the last option.

"Charlie wouldn't do anything stupid," April repeated, a little firmer this time. She wasn't sure if it was helping Matteusz but it helped April to hold onto the little hope she had left. If she convinced herself that Charlie wasn't going to be stupid, it was easier to keep searching.

Matteusz smiled at her (although it didn't seem to count as a real smile), like he wanted it to be true as well.

"Maybe he went home?" She suggested.

"Always the optimist."

They searched though the rest of the floor but Charlie was nowhere to be found. April hoped that Tanya and Ram were having better luck searching for him.

Matteusz looked up hopefully as her phone chimed but it was only a reply from Ram.

**Ram: still haven't found him**

"Come on, Charlie," April said, mostly to herself. "Where could you have gone?"

"I wish I knew." Matteusz sounded more defeated then April had ever heard him. It wasn't a good sign. It seemed like he was giving up.

"We haven't even checked the whole-" April trailed off, getting distracted by a groaning noise. "Is it just me or did that sound like the TARDIS?"

Matteusz's eyes suddenly widened. "Charlie."

April followed him as they sprinted down the hall. Her heart was beating rapidly, another reminder she had gotten it back for good.

The TARDIS was still there by the time Matteusz and April reached the hall.

"Stop!" Matteusz shouted at the box. The wheezing stopped suddenly, as if the Doctor had pulled the brakes. "Charlie?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Changed the title, because I think the new title fits better. 
> 
> Also quick question: even if Class is cancelled should I finish this and my other class fanfics? I'm sure some would enjoy reading it but I'm struggling enough to get feedback already. (Hope we do get season 2!)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matteusz is faced with the difficult task of stopping Charlie from leaving them behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My favourite chapter so far!

Matteusz had made a promise to find Charlie if he was lost. Charlie was lost now. In more ways than one. In more ways than Matteusz could understand. Before he had ran off, Charlie had picked up the now empty Cabinet of Souls and their eyes had met. He looked so afraid, guilty and conflicted and he was gone before Matteusz had a chance to say anything to him.

He had a chance now to plea and hope he was listening. That Charlie would stay. (All he had to do was stay.)

"Charlie?" He asked hesitantly, still holding onto the hope that his boyfriend was listening. "You don't get to do this. It's not fair."

There was no reply, just silence. Even Miss Quill in the corner of the hall was quiet, listening. It was as if they had collectively agreed to breath silently. Or maybe his voice gave away how desperate Matteusz was to keep Charlie close to him. 

"We said no more promises. But you promised to love me and that means staying. You don't get to just go." Matteusz was struggling to find the right words. "I don't know where you're going but please don't leave me behind. _You don't get to leave me behind_."

"I'm coming back," Charlie said, so quietly they would have missed it altogether if the hall wasn't deadly silent.

"You don't have to go at all," Matteusz said, not giving up with a fight. "Please, I need you."

"Guys?" Ram and Tanya stepped into the hall. "What is going on?"

April shushed them, nodding at him in encouragement.

"I promise I'll come back," Charlie said, reaching out towards the other side of the TARDIS door. The Doctor was still stood at the controls, not moving the TARDIS or interfering. It was Charlie's choice and he was lost. (He always felt lost.)

"No more promises," Matteusz repeated. So much had changed from the first time he'd said it. (If only they could go back to that morning. If only Charlie had kissed him when they had the chance.)

Charlie could hear Matteusz pulling on the door on the other side. It wouldn't be enough, only Charlie could let him in.

"Charlie, Charlie," he could hear sniffling. "There is expression here on Earth. I don't know if you have heard it. 'Actions speak louder than words'. Open the door."

Charlie touched his cheeks which were wet. He was crying again.

"I don't want to ruin you."

"I know," Matteusz replied, on the other side of the TARDIS doors. "I understand. But you - I don't know how to say it."

"It's a time machine. We won't even be gone a minute," Charlie said, looking at the Doctor. He was a figure of time and space, a hero, and he was wiping his own eyes.

"It's your choice Charlie," the Doctor said, taking a tissue out of his velvet suit. "You can let them in. Or we can go now. Run away. Don't let me chose, I have always ran away."

"How has that worked out?" Charlie asked the Time Lord.

"Lonely," he answered honestly.

"At least give me a kiss goodbye," Matteusz pleaded from outside the doors.

"I killed them all," Charlie closed his eyes, slumping against the door, overwhelmed, "I don't think I can forgive myself."

"I'm not asking you to."

He stood up slowly, reaching for the lock. Tragedy changed a lot of things but maybe he was wrong about it changing everything.

He turned the lock and stepped away from the doors and towards the control panel.

"Matteusz?"

"Yes," Matteusz sounded so hopeful that he almost smiled.

"You can come-" Charlie didn't get to finish before the door opened.

"Charlie?" Matteusz asked gently, stepping closer.

"Here." He almost ran to him, letting Matteusz wrap his arms around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based slightly off 'the girl who waited' scene.


	7. Chapter 7

"Are you crying?" Ram caught April's arm. Tanya had followed Matteusz into the TARDIS and was asking the Doctor question after question. 

"We've been though a lot today. I honestly thought Charlie was going to leave us all behind." April let Ram wipe away her tears. "I can't lose anyone else." 

"Hey," he said softly, which seemed more romantic than it had the right to be, "the Shadow Kin are gone. I think we're safe for now." 

"How long will that last?" She asked, leaning forward, letting Ram hold her. 

"I can't answer that darling," he replied. April laughed, which almost hurt. 

"Darling?" 

"Shut up." He bumped their shoulders together and held the TARDIS door open for her. 

The room was still bigger on the inside, which was less impressive the second time round. Tanya was leaning on the edge of a futuristic looking constal, trying to press buttons without the Doctor catching her. Charlie was sank against the wall, eyes closed and leaning into Matteusz. April was just glad she wasn't the only one crying. 

She caught Charlie eyes and lost all words. What was she supposed to say to her murderer? 

She already had an answer. "I forgive you," She promised him. 

"April." He seemed like he was lost for words too. 

"I forgive you. I promise. You shouldn't have had to kill me." 

"I killed you. How could you ever-" The rest of Charlie's sentence was left unfinished as he dissolved into sobs. Matteusz pulled him closer to his chest. 

"I wrote a song. I write songs and the last one I wrote was called 'the Lost'. It's about us. We're all lost. I think we always will be. But no one has to be lost alone. So I forgive you. Completely and utterly." Ram touched her shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze. 

"Thank you." Charlie didn't seem to have anything else to say. Neither did April. 

The Doctor broke the short silence. "So Charlie, still going home?" 

Matteusz looked alarmed. " _Don't go._ " 

"Home?" Tanya echoed, frowning. "Do you mean Earth-home or Rhodia?" 

"I need to put the Cabinet of Souls back where it belongs. I was going to come home. It's not like I have anything to return to anyway." Maybe April was imaging it but she was sure Ram sniffled. They would all have red eyes in the morning. (At least they lived till morning. It seemed lately like they never knew where they were going to end up in the morning.) 

"Another planet?" Tanya asked. "Could we come?" 

"You want to?" Charlie asked in return. "It's destroyed. There's almost nothing left of it."

"You wanted to go home." Tanya hopped off the counter. "If it's home." 

"Everyone wants to go home." Charlie edged away from Matteusz and stood up. "You understand, don't you?" Charlie got no reply. " _Matteusz?_ " 

"You can't leave me. You _promised_." 

Charlie shook his head. "I'm not leaving you. I was going to come back. I could never leave you. You are the most important person in this world." 

"You mean your world?" 

"You know I didn't." 

"Come along," the Doctor offered. "We have room. It's a time machine."

"You won't be alone." 

Charlie looked at Matteusz, offering him a hand. "Please? I need you." 

He took it. Charlie probably wanted to help him up but Matteusz just held on. April couldn't imagine what was going through his head. " _Okay._ " 

"What about Miss Quill?" Tanya asked, directing the question at the Doctor. 

April turned towards him too, letting the boys have a private moment. Matteusz was muttering to him in Polish. Still holding on as if he was afraid of Charlie running off at any moment.

"Quill?" Ram's face was screwed up in a confused expression. 

"It's her planet too. She might want to come with us. And she did save Charlie's life." 

"She did?" April missed a lot when she was 'dead'. Maybe that was a good thing: it seemed like things had gone downhill rapidly. 

"After he used the Cabinet, there was a light. I think it was a soul. It almsot hit Charlie and then Quill pushed him out the way." Tanya explained. "But that wasn't the worst part." 

"What was?" She dreaded the answer.

"The look on his face. He wasn't scared; he was relieved. Like he wanted to die." Tanya shook her head. "It was awful." 

"This is why I forgave him." April looked at the couple out the corner of her eye. They were still holding hands. She had never seen someone look so in love and heartbroken at the same time. "Because he needs it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Personally, this is my favourite chapter so far. Nothing like hitting the readers with a bus load of angst.   
> Enjoy :) 
> 
> And remember to comment!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quill is offered a chance to visit her past home.

Quill kept a hand on her now-swollen stomach. The danger was past but her protective maternal instincts had kicked in now and she wasn't willing to let go of her unborn baby. 

"What do you think?" She asked her stomach. "Your first fight. How does battle taste?" She got no reply but she already knew her child would be a fighter the day they were born. 

"Miss Quill?" Tanya stepped out the box and away from the emotional reunion her friends were clearly about to have. The thought made her want to vomit. 

"Yes Miss Adeola?" Quill spoke with a prickly tone but Tanya sat down next to her anyway. Fearless, as usual. Or maybe she was less threatening now pregnant. That was going to be a problem in the future. 

"Charlie wants to go home," Tanya said. 

"Fantastic for him," Quill replied dryly. The Prince was no longer her business or her problem any more. She was finally free. "Does he need a key?"

"Rhodia," Tanya corrected. "The Doctor says he's talking us. Charlie wants to return the Cabinet." 

"The Prince is no longer my problem." Quill traced the long scar on her face. "This is a reminder of that." 

"I know and I'm happy that you aren't his slave any more too. But Rhodia is your home too. You could come as well, if you wanted to." 

"Rhodia stopped being home after I was bound to the Prince," Quill said. "I left everything behind and it's too late to go back now." 

"Are you sure?" Tanya asked. 

"Yes." Quill let herself be pulled onto her feet. Tanya had been helping her up all day. She was the only one who had offered out a hand and Quill wasn't going to turn it down. She needed an army. "I suppose you're going." 

"I always wanted to see another planet. When I was little I had a big book all about the planets and the stars. I used to read it with my parents." Tanya stopped, looking defeated. She'd lost her parent today, Quill remembered. She hoped that Tanya could cope with the grief. "Anyway, Rhodia sounds like it was wonderful."

"From the Prince?" She scoffed. "I suppose it must be when your side wins."  

"Will you tell me about the war?" Tanya asked, which was as unexpected as her pregnancy. "Your side of it. No interruptions." 

She felt herself tearing up. "Of course Miss Adeola. You should probably go now. Not even Time Lords are willing to wait forever." Quill turned away before she embarrassed herself. Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones. 

"Of course Miss Quill." Tanya passed her a tissue. "And more fighting lessons?" 

"Someone has to train you." 

Tanya smiled, which clashed with her red eyes and wet cheeks. "Thank you Miss Quill. I'm proud to be on your side." 

Quill wiped her eyes as she watched Tanya disappear into the blue box. The ship faded away with a groan, a horrific noise which had saved her before. But Quill didn't need saving now; she could save herself from any danger and fight for what she believed in. Quill had been saying she was war itself since she arrived on Earth and now... Now she could finally live up to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quill isn't in the main story but I wanted to give her own chapter.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang finally arrive in Rhodia.

Tanya hadn't noticed the Cabinet at first. Charlie had picked it up earlier before he ran off. His action had sprung the rest of them into life. Ram had sobbed at April's unconscious form. Tanya had collapsed, the grief of her mother finally catching up with her. Matteusz had held her while she let it all out. They must have stayed like that for an hour, although it felt longer. It felt like a hundred lifetimes had passed since the morning.

Charlie was still half-sunk against the wall, surrounded by the rest of her friends. (If she could still call them that.) He wasn't in good shape and it seemed impossible for things to go back as they were.

"So, how does this work?" Tanya asked, directing it at the Doctor. She had already let her grief consume her once today. No more crying. "So does your magic box fly?"

"Not quite. A TARDIS is can travel in both time and space." The Doctor just seemed to be pressing random buttons. "Far too complicated to teach you. And you're a _human_." Tanya tried not to take offence. Quill had said much worse.

"Are you just making this up as you go?" Tanya questioned him.

"Well, all the best geniuses do." The Doctor pulled a lever that brought the ship to life. It made the same awful noise as before.

"Not me." Tanya noticed April biting her lip, looking at her with concern in her big, blue, Disney eyes. She turned away from her concerned looks. "I'm fine," she called over to April. (She wasn't but someone had to stay put together.)

Tanya didn't even have to look over to tell that April didn't believe her. Of course she didn't.

"Hey?" April placed a hand on her shoulder. It almost made her jump, Tanya had been preoccupied. "Are you sure that you're okay? Today's been rough." 'Rough' didn't even come close.

Tanya resisted the urge to pull away. "April, so much has happened today that if we tried to process it all at once we'd explode. I need time. And space." She pulled away then, pretending not to notice how hurt her friend (although the word still felt wrong) looked.

Ram followed his girlfriend over and even Matteusz tore himself from Charlie's side. They were treating her like a child again. "Tanya, you're not alone."

"Yes I am!" She snapped back without thinking. "Don't you get that? My Dad left us two years ago and we were still picking up the pieces. Now my Mum is gone now and I am completely alone." She walked away, trying to hide the fact she was crying again. So much for not letting her grief consume her.

"Well..." the Doctor broke the silence awkwardly, "we're here." He clearly wasn't as used to the teen angst as Miss Quill.

Charlie stood up. Matteusz was back by his side in seconds. (Tanya was almost jealous of them at times, about how close they were. She wanted that, in a way, someone to rely on. A girlfriend - in her daydreams it was always a girlfriend - so she wouldn't be so left out. Just someone to hold her hand automatically, without a seconds thought. That was love.)

"Charlie-"

He shook his head, looking so calm and composed suddenly that it was almost frightening. "I must face Rhodia's graveyard." Charlie had been giving speeches since he was seven, Tanya remembered, something that really showed now.

The Doctor snapped his fingers, attracting the whole groups attention. The wooden doors opened, giving them a first look at a beautiful planet.

Charlie made a barely audible sob. Tanya's heart broke again (how many times had that happened today). Tanya saw beauty in Rhodia. Charlie saw a graveyard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe it took nine chapters to actually get to the interesting part. Why am I like this. 
> 
> Next up, we see Rhodia. I can't decide if it's from Matteusz or Charlie's POV yet, so if you have a suggestion let me know. 
> 
> Remember to leave a comment if you enjoyed it!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang visit the ruins of Rhodia.

Charlie rarely spoke about his past home. Matteusz had assumed that it hurt too much. The few times he had mentioned Rhodia brought out a new side of his boyfriend, a much sadder and more vulnerable part. 

"It was so beautiful once." Charlie had told him before when he was half-asleep and curled up next to him. "I didn't see much of it after and I'm glad. I want to remember it as beautiful."

"What was it like?" He had asked Charlie, trying to imagine who he had been on Rhodia. The more regal sides of his personality showed though perfect posture and in the clear calculating way he saw the world. It was easy to forget sometimes that Charlie was still a mystery to them all. 

"A civilized, cultured, learned society," he answered. It sounded like he was reciting something. (He had a speech writer, they had learned later on.) 

"That's not what I meant. Tell me the important things."

"What are the important things?" Charlie had asked. 

"The colour of the sky. What kind of flowers grew there. Don't you miss the everyday things?" Matteusz missed the everyday things from Poland, especially after he moved out from his parents, losing his last connection.

"Are flowers important?" He asked, frowning. 

"Of course. My grandmother owns _kwiaciarnia_  - a florist - where I used to help her when I little. Little things that make up a life. That's what I miss the most."

Charlie had smiled Mattuesz' favourite type of smile (the kind that meant he wanted to kiss him) (which hurt to think of now, glancing at his tear stained face). "The sky was lilac..."

As Charlie had promised, the stretch of sky above them was lilac. But that was the only thing that was pretty about the whole scene. The ground was covered with scorch marks and dried blood. Charlie had called it a graveyard but the tragic thing was the lack of graves. An entire planet of people and the only legacy was Charlie, Miss Quill and an act of genocide. 

Tearing his focus from the blood soaked ground was hard but eventually Matteusz took in the rest of the city. Tall buildings made of glistening glass towered above them. The purple light reflected stripes of pastel light onto the ground. Charlie was right about it being beautiful; both London and his hometown of  Łódź didn't compare to the crystal arches and rose coloured nature. 

Charlie reached out and grabbed his hand tightly. It was a simple action but his shaking hands suggested that it meant much more to Charlie than before. "This is awful. You said I felt homesick before. Is this what it's like?" 

"Homesick is when you miss your home." 

"I do," Charlie said, with a voice thick with emotion. "This isn't home. It's an empty city in an empty planet that once meant everything to me. It's home gone  _stale_." 

"That's worse." 

He nodded, making yet another simple action speak a thousand works. "Yes, it is." 

"Charlie," Matteusz started (even if he didn't know how to finish it), "are you okay?" It was a stupid question but he hoped that his boyfriend would understand the translation:  _tell me why you're not._

"I need to get the Cabinet of Souls," he mumbled. "That's the only reason why I'm here."

He walked back into the TARDIS, holding onto Matteusz' hand for as long as possible. Letting go was inevitable but it still left him with the ghost of Charlie's fingertips. 

* * *

The sky was still lilac. Charlie had hoped they would have come at night; he missed the stars. 

The Cabinet of Souls was lighter now. It had been emptied of all of his planets legacy and hope. The Doctor took it from him. 

"I can carry it," Charlie protested.

"Can't hold hands with your boyfriend with your hands full," the time lord replied in his familiar Scottish accent. 

"I want to carry it."

"Don't try and argue with me. I'm the king of arguments. I'm Scottish."

"What does being Scottish have to do with it?" 

"You've never met Amelia Pond." The Doctor smiled but sadly. (It was one Charlie had recognised on himself before.) "We all have our ghosts Charlie. We don't have to face them alone." 

"I don't deserve them." He gestured towards the TARDIS doors where his friends were huddled together, taking in the stunning scenery Charlie had lived with for the first sixteen years of his life. They were smiling but he knew it wouldn't last. They had families who were dead because of him. Even if Matteusz was better off with a new family, he would be better off without Charlie. Broken people fell in love with kind people because they needed to be put together. 

"Genocide doesn't make you evil Charlie. Would you say I'm a bad person?"

"You're a Time Lord, a hero. You saved my life." 

"I've been in your position before. Killing does not make you evil. You chose if you are good or bad not what you have done. I've made so many tough decisions and I still try and do the good thing. That is what defines me." 

"I killed them all," he whispered. "I wanted to be a hero and I failed." 

"Who wants to be a hero? You just need to survive." Charlie wiped his eyes (which were starting to hurt). "Go. I'm carrying this for a reason remember?" 

Matteusz was watching him out the corner of his eye. He curled his mouth into a smile when he caught his eye.

"Hey." 

Charlie considered kissing him then. They had almost kissed before Quill interrupted them, before people started dying, before he used the Cabinet. Matteusz clearly felt the same because he leaned in too. 

Instead Charlie ducked his head and leant against his boyfriend's chest. Human hearts were positioned higher up than his own and he could hear his heartbeat. 

"I don't think I've lost all hope," he told Matteusz, surprised he believed it. 

"No?"

"I have you." Not forever, he knew that much. He wasn't stupid enough to think he could keep Matteusz _forever_. But for a moment he felt safe in Matteusz arms and that was enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter. Sorry about the random chunk of description; my English teacher was lecturing us on techniques and she kinda scares me so I ended up including it. 
> 
> I feel like Charlie needs therapy and hugs so I gave him both. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie talks about his past but it isn't good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for mentions of child abuse.

Tanya couldn't help but be glad Charlie had used the Cabinet. Looking around at the ruins of an otherwise striking civilisation. (It was clearly centuries ahead, the little technology Tanya could figure out proved that.) It looked like a place that the alien tourists of the world would take alien selfies on. But it was _ruined_. No wonder Charlie broke into sobs. Earth could have become like that, if he hadn't used the Cabinet.

He was a hero. Just not to his own people. That most have made it so much harder. If Tanya was in his place, she would have saved Earth in a heartbeat. But for another race, especially one that hadn't been kind to her, she would have been torn. Charlie made the hardest choice imaginable today. He was entitled to a few tears.

It was selfish but she couldn't help wishing he'd used it sooner. She was still in shock from her Mum, still unable to accept it. The dried blood on the ground was a cruel reminder of what she had waiting for her at home.

"Parking isn't that good," the Doctor said, finally stepping outside of his TARDIS. He was holding the Cabinet of Souls in his arms; Charlie winced when he saw it. "But it's only a short walk to the palace."

"Palace?" April repeated in a mumble. "Wow."

"No problem. I want to get away from here anyway." Charlie stepped away from Matteusz but still held tightly to his hand. He probably needed all the support he could get. Tanya couldn't blame him. She ran her fingers through her braids, the way her mum did (used to do, she corrected herself). It wasn't the same.

"Breathe," Matteusz reminded him. Tanya followed his advice and let out her own shaky breath.

They walked to the palace in silence. There was either too much to say or nothing at all. It was the worst day of their lives but none of them wanted to admit that.

The bloodstains and ash swirling in the air got less and less as they got closer to the outskirts. Tanya had lost count. A whole planet had been slaughtered and the only legacy was a murderer and a (now free) slave. It didn't seem fair.

"Is that it?" April's question cut the thick, heavy silence. She was pointing at a large stone building, glinting sliver under the sun. The palace was surrounded by a large garden, full of plants. Even from the bottom of the hill, Tanya could make out pink trees and glowing flora. (It was so… _Alien_. For lack of better words.)

"Yes. My home - my old home - _ab_ _arce_ _posterum_." Matteusz reminded him to breathe again. "It translates to _castle of the future."_

"Catchy," Ram replied dryly.

"It was where all of the political decisions were made. My worlds future, my peoples future. Even my own one." Charlie wiped his eyes. "I hated it."

"You _hated_ it?" Ram repeats. April subtly elbowed him. "How bad was it?"

"I shouldn't speak badly of my home," Charlie said stubbornly. He looked up to Matteusz and then released all the tension from his shoulders in a single, un-regal, shrug. "Not that it matters. Who will hear it? Not my parents. Not my subjects. _No one is left_!"

"Charlie, _breathe_."

"It was awful. Do any of you believe I wanted to do speeches at the age of seven? I used to have attacks of panic before. I used to hide out in the palace gardens. They stopped my eventually by putting up a fence and locking me in until I behaved." His hand curled into a tight fist, Tanya could see how white his knuckles were despite being the one furtherest away from him. "I think the record was a whole night. I grew out of that habit before the season ended."

Tanya wiped away a few of her own tears. April looked horrified, which wasn't surprising considering her own history with child abuse. "But you were only _seven_."

He grimaced which in no way suited him. "I was also the only heir to the throne. A prince couldn't hide from his duties."

"When did you get to be a child?" April asked. "That wasn't fair on you."

"That isn't the worst part," Charlie admitted. "I lock up the worst parts. I still have nightmares twelve years later."

 _Twelve_ _years_ … that would have made him only _five_ _years_ _old_ when the _worst_ parts happened.

Even the Doctor looked horrified. "I wasn't aware that Rhodia was so cruel."

"This is why I didn't want to return. But I had to return the Cabinet. I had to say a final goodbye." Charlie stalked off ahead, not looking back. The group exchanged a series of looks.

"I didn't know it was so bad," Matteusz admitted. "I'm supposed to be his boyfriend."

"I don't think he talked to anyone about this. You saw the way he exploded."

"No one likes talking about their childhood trauma," April added. "I think that was hard to admit for him."

"Someone should go after him," Tanya suggested.

"I will," the Doctor offered. He handed the Cabinet to Ram and ran off towards Charlie. The group trailed behind the pair of aliens slowly.

"I'm starting to agree with Miss Quill," April confessed. "Rhodia doesn't seem like the Utopia that Charlie described to us at all."

"It sounds like _hell_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was very angsty. I feel like Charlie needs a hundred hugs. 
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to CloOm or timeneverforgets (on Tumblr) who made an amazing edit for my fic 'dear matti'. Can't link it at the moment though. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought! If you cried, you ~have~ to comment.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang walk though the palace gardens and talk about Rhodia.

The palace garden was stunning but it seemed tainted now. Matteusz couldn't help but imagine Charlie trapped there, sitting amongst the flowers and struggling to breathe. His story was horrible and confirmed their theory that Rhodia fit Quill's image better.

Charlie was ahead of them, looking around. The Doctor was with him, trying to comfort him in some way. The rest of them fell behind.

Tanya was the first to break the silence. "It's unfair."

Ram chuckled weakly. "Could you narrow it down? It's been a harrowing day."

"Charlie. I always thought that Rhodia was..."

"Messed up?" April suggested.

"Awful?"

"The kind of place that gives you nightmares?"

They looked at him. "Charlie has nightmares?"

Matteusz nodded. "I think so. He doesn't scream in his sleep or anything like that. He just tenses up. And he clenches his fists when he's asleep, so he wakes up with blood on his knuckles."

Tanya bit her lip. "How come you never mentioned it before?"

"I didn't think Charlie would want me to."

"How do you know the nightmares are about here?" April asked, careful not to step on any plants. Tanya took an opposite approach, stomping her feet and crushing the planet underneath. She was clearly angry, at her mother's death, at her friends mistreatment and at the world.

"Something that Miss Quill said to me after they had an argument. 'He claims to miss it but his nights and my memories are more alike than he'd ever admit.' Before that I assumed his nightmares were about the Shadow Kin."

"Yes, I can imagine that having people you love horrifically murdered in front of you can be traumatising," Tanya snapped sarcastically. 

"Tanya?" April said gently.

"If you're going to ask if I'm okay, I'll save you the breath. No," Tanya snapped at them again. She stormed ahead, kicking the tall fence around the garden as she went.

The three of them left exchanged anxious looks.

"I'm going to say it: we need to call a therapist." April crossed her arms and let out an exhausted sigh.

"If you find a therapist that specialises in alien PTSD, give me the number," Ram said bitterly.

April frowned. "I'm serious Ram."

"Me too."

"Sign Charlie up too."

They laughed until they all remembered how serious the situation was. "We should catch up with them."

"Yeah."

They walked the rest of the way in silence. Tanya had waited for them and fell into step with them.

Charlie and the Doctor had waited for them as well, they stood by the palace door.

"Here you all are," the Doctor said, in his thick Scottish accent.

Charlie looked up from the floor to meet Matteusz' eyes. He offered a small smile, more likely to reassure him or create a mask than because he meant it.

"Charlie?"

"Hey." He dropped his glaze back to the floor. "We should go in. I'm sure you all want to leave."

"Do you want to leave?" April asked, her caring nature shining through.

Charlie shrugged. "I have little choice in the matter. It is my duty as the last heir of the Rhodia throne to protect the Cabinet." His face crumbled. "I may have failed to restore my people but I still have a duty to return the Cabinet of Souls even if- even if-"

"It's empty."

Charlie winced. "It'll be my last act as a prince."

"Last act?" Matteusz asked, suddenly panicked. Charlie had already put himself in front of a soul.

"After today, I've lost everything. Rhodia is just empty. The war is over. The Shadow Kin are dead."

"What does that leave you as then?" Matteusz questioned.

"A survivor."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They all need therapy and also a break. I'm going to try and finish this fic soonish because I have lots of plans for the future and a fan theory I'm going to try and include soonish. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought!


	13. Chapter 13

Charlie hadn't realised that not every Rhodian child grew up in a palace until he was four years old. He hadn't been considered important enough to perform any regal duties till then. He had been kept safe until then, rarely leaving the palace grounds. The tensions with the Quill weren't at breaking point yet but there was rumours (which later were revealed to be true) that they were organising a rebellion.

Charlie hadn't spoken to any 'ordinary' Rhodians until he was four when his mother had decided to take him to the town centre for the yearly parades. He hadn't questioned the four guards that surrounded him or his mother reminding him to have good posture. He was used to that kind of life.

It had been so disorientating to see people living differently to him. Charlie hadn't truly understood how different he was until he'd managed to slip away and ran into a young girl.

"Your highness," she had said, bowing. Than after a minute she giggled. "I'm taller than you."

Charlie had stared back, equally fascinated by the stranger.

"You are the prince, aren't you?" She asked. "You must be. I've seen the portraits."

"Liz'al," the girls mother had pulled her away, not sparing him a second glance. He knew she'd had bowed too, if she had looked at him. "The speech."

He still remembered her name after all the years. Charlie almost fell into the trap of wondering where she was. It only took a second before reality hit. She was dead. Everyone was.

There was no time to think about how things used to be in the palace. Remembering the grand design didn't clean the blood that now stained the walls.

"Charlie?"

"It isn't the same. I- I don't know why I thought it would be. There's so much blood. I- I didn't see it here before." Charlie's chest started to tighten as his breathing got more rapid. It felt like death but thanks to Matteusz he knew it was an attack of panic.

Charlie looked up at Matteusz, hoping he would do something to help him breathe. He shouldn't (it was selfish, to expect anything from Matteusz now).

"It's okay, kochanie. I need you to breathe with me." Charlie nodded and copied his actions. It helped him calm down a little. The blood was still there, sickening him at the sight alone but Charlie could cope. He would have to get used to blood; he had enough on his hands. "Better?"

"A little." Charlie dropped his gaze from the now walls. The walls were originally of a rare diamond, strong enough to withstand a bomb if needed. It was covered with splatters of blood. It was worst here. He hadn't known the names of the people in the towns or squares. However, he had spoken to everyone in the palace. He had known their names and their faces.

"If it's getting overwhelming-"

"I'm fine," Charlie snapped. The Doctor was only trying to help but he didn't understand. Or maybe he did understand him too well.

Charlie couldn't just leave Rhodia. Not before he put the Cabinet of Souls in its final resting place inside the palace and prayed for his own soul. That was another part of the story of the Cabinet of Souls. The last user of the Cabinet would be lose their soul. He wasn't sure if it was true but the idea was terrifying. No one could forgive him - least of all himself but Charlie liked to pretend there was a way.

A hand on his shoulder jolted him from his swirling mind. It was April, who looked at him with poorly masked pity. Looking at her didn't reduce his guilt. He wished that April hated him.

"Really Charlie. You don't have to do this. We can go back. No one would hate you."

"It's the only way. I need to put it back."

"We could do that for you," she offered.

"Thank you for trying but you don't understand. You can never understand how important it is."

Despite her best efforts to be optimistic April nodded. "You're brave."

"Don't use that word about me. I'm not a hero."

"Not every brave person is a hero."

"Just… don't."

Charlie could still remember the complicated layout of the palace. He knew the hiding spots where he had spent his childhood huddled up to avoid his lessons or speeches. He had been okay with small spaces then. Now the idea made his stomach churn. (It could have been the smell blood.)

The throne room, the last place he had been before the Doctor had saved him and Quill, was where the Cabinet of Souls belonged. It was located in the heart of the palace. He had only hidden there because it was the most defendable room. It was Charlie's least favourite room in the palace. It was where he had meetings and gave most of his speeches to the nobility. The only fond memory he had was being painted there. It gave him hours to daydream.

Charlie stopped walking for a moment. He had forgotten about the paintings but the castle was full of portraits of himself and his ancestors. He was comfortable in his new form (it was weaker and softer but he had learnt to accept that, besides Matteusz had always said he liked how soft his new skin was) (he was blushing now). His friends didn't know how he used to look.

Charlie changed direction, avoiding the hallway full of historical portraits and statues. Most things had been damaged in the Shadow Kin's massacre but he knew a less risky route.

"You seem lost in your head."

Matteusz had caught up with him. He had to keep ducking his head at the doorways. (Rhodians were shorter than humans on average. Charlie had been quite tall for a Rhodian but Matteusz was much taller than him. Not that he minded. It made their hugs nicer.)

"I am. I keep thinking of how it used to be. The Shadow Kin destroyed my entire life. And then I restarted it on Earth and they returned and ruined it a second time."

"Is there a chance of you starting a third life?"

Charlie shook his head. "I couldn't leave Earth when it cost me so much to protect it. And I finally found myself friends."

Matteusz looked relieved. "I was worried you wouldn't come back home."

"You shouldn't be. I couldn't lose you."

"You said you lost me before."

"I thought I had," Charlie confessed. "I thought I was going to die."

"So did I."

"Just my luck I survived. I couldn't get the easy way out."

"Don't," Matteusz said softly. "Please, don't talk like that."

"It's the truth."

"I think we can both agree the truth has done enough damage to us."

"Because you're afraid of me?" Charlie shot bank, still hurt.

"Not anymore. Now I'm just afraid of what you'll do to yourself."

Charlie knew it was the truth. He was afraid too. "It's okay," he replied. "I have always shared your fears. I was scared of your father when you were, I was afraid of myself before and I'm so afraid of myself now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was listening to my class playlist and 'how long will I love you' came on when writing this and I almost cried. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought? Do you want a scene where the class gang see Charlie's true form? Do you want more of a certain dynamic? As long as you comment nicely I'll see what I can do.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit for Charlie's 'real' name comes from 'Someone Else's Memory Lane' by BloodiedRose (AO3).

The throne room had always been Charlie's least favourite in the palace. It's where he had been subjected to many meetings and lectures from his parents. He'd given his first speech there, voice shaking as he looked over at the crowd. He'd messed up a little, tripping over the final paragraph. No one had noticed (or at least, no one had commented on it). No one in the crowd at least. 

His Mother had given him a lecture after. ("Princes do not let their voices shake. Grow up.") 

The throne room held other bitter memories for him. It was where he  had to attend weekly (the Rhodian equivalent of a week anyway) meetings on the war. It was where he had Quill forced upon him as his protector (his slave? Tanya seemed convinced that name fit better). It was the last place he'd been before the Shadow Kin attacked. He's stayed there in the attack, watching everyone get slaughtered-

"Hey, hey." April caught his arm. "Is it too much to be here?" 

"My Mother was murdered in this room," he admitted in a rush. (He was crying yet. Maybe he had ran out of tears?) 

"Oh, Charlie..." Even kind, optimistic, April didn't know what to say to him. 

"We were standing right here," he continued, walking to the centre of the room. A pile of blood and her rose coloured crown remained, the closest thing to a grave she ever received. "Corakinus had come for us himself. Maybe he thought the only one worthy of killing royals was the king. She pushed me out the way and I hid. One last kind act. Maybe the only kind act she ever did for me. She stood brave and strong... And then he killed her." 

"He-he killed her in front of you?" Tanya asked. "You never mentioned that to us before." 

"I try not to think about it." 

"He killed my Mum in front of me." 

"And my Dad," Ram added. "God, it's so awful... I can't even process it." 

Charlie looked up at them curiously. He never thought he'd meet anyone who understood what he went through. "Well, it's been tough for me too. Can we move on? I can't look at the blood stains anymore." 

No one protested. They were probably afraid he'd fall into another panic attack or burst into tears. (He felt like he was on the edge. He just kept breathing in and out.) 

The final room he'd ever been in on Rhodia was sacred. It was where the Cabinet of Souls had been kept for centuries. Charlie hadn't been allowed in the room until he took the sacred oath of protection. It was a tradition that every royal child took the oath when they turned ten. 

It promised that the weapon was never to be used or broken. Never for it to gain dust. Never for it to be used  _unless_ the act of the enemy was worst than the act of the user. 

If any of those vows were broken, the royal soul would never rest. 

Which meant the Cabinet of Souls would never hold a Rhodian soul again. Charlie couldn't decide if it was a relief or not. He wouldn't be alone forever but it meant the Cabinet of Souls would remain empty for the rest of time. 

"What is the writing on the door?" 

"It's a contract. Well that's the closest word humans have for it." Charlie traced the carved words. Some were centuries old whilst his own one was only seven years old. "Every royal signs the gate to the Cabinet of Souls when they reach ten years old. It shows your commitment to protecting the Cabinet of Souls is carved into you own heart." 

"Where is your name?" Matteusz asked. "I do not see 'Charlie'." 

"I can't read any of these," Tanya added, scanning it. 

"The TARDIS translation circuits won't translate the older Rhodian. It changed as the language developed," the Doctor explained. 

"Here." Charlie knew where his own name was. There was seven hundred and ninety other names. He counted, on the nights he couldn't sleep because the weight of his responsibility kept him up.  

"It looks like nonsense to me." 

"Tanya? Cultural respect?" April reminded her. 

"Is that how you write Charlie in your language?" Matteusz asked, tracing his name gently. "It looks pretty." 

"It says _K'Har-les_ ," he answered. 

"Your actual name?" 

He nodded. "Charles was the nearest human translation. And I prefer Charlie anyway." 

"You lied to us," Tanya said, her tone slightly accusatory. 

"I was trying to fit in. Having a name most humans can't pronounce doesn't help. I just wanted to be invisible. Which didn't work evidently." It wasn't fair for him to lash out on his friends but Charlie was too emotionally drained already. 

"I understand," Matteusz said softly. "I like it. Although I'll always see you as my Charlie." 

"I think I can live with that." 

The Doctor cleared his throat. "Should we head inside?" 

"Keep your eyebrows on, they're having a moment," Tanya replied. 

"No, he's right. I want to leave as soon as possible. The door is locked from the inside. Quill and I used it to buy some time to regroup. Well, she grabbed a weapon; I was too busy crying and praying." 

"How did you escape?" Ram asked. 

"The Doctor saved us. He took us away from Rhodia and to the other side of the universe." 

He nodded. "The final survivors of Rhodia." 

"You promised that we would be safe on Earth." 

The Doctor looked almost ashamed. "I thought it would be a better life." 

"The Shadow Kin found us again," Charlie continued. "You said-" 

"I know what I said," he snapped. "But, sometimes people die. I can't protect everyone. I try. I have a duty of care but sometimes I fail. I'm sorry." 

"I failed too. My people... I'm sorry." 

The Doctor used his sonic screwdriver on the door in silence. Neither of them had anything to say. Not in front of the others at least. 

The door swung open, revealing the room inside. 

And an empty pedestal, where the Cabinet of Souls belonged. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish we got more info on Rhodia. World building was very fun though! :) 
> 
> I really appreciate feedback, especially if you want this updated more regularly. (Comments, asks or PM me on my tumblr if you're shy.)


	15. Chapter 15

It was as if everyone had agreed to hold their breath as they stepped through the ancient doors to an ornate room decorated with tall glass cabinets holding artifacts. There was a scorch mark left in the centre in the floor, with a square of clean, polished floor. Matteusz glanced over to Charlie but his face was deliberately blank and impossible to read; he was whispering what sounded like a prayer. But then the TARDIS translated it -  _ sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry sorry, sorry, sorry- _

“Who broke the glass?” April asked, thankfully stopping the whispering. 

“Quill,” Charlie answered quietly. “It was so she-” 

“The gun,” April finished, wincing. “I remembered your story from before. This isn’t how I imagined Rhodia when you described it.” 

“It’s not how I remember it either,” Charlie confessed, “home is supposed to safe. But this is just sad.” He turned to the Doctor suddenly, “is it forgotten? Me and Quill are the sole survivors and Rhodia is just left as a wreck. Do people remember? Do they weep for my planet and my people?” 

It was an intense question which left Matteusz with little doubt that it had been on his mind for a while. It was not surprising considering what he had lost. And now, he had lost so much more. 

“Rhodia becomes a monument. As time goes on, it is forgotten and then rediscovered by archaeologist. And then it becomes the background setting for stories. And when you’re in a story, you become immortal. Rhodia is never truly forgotten Charlie, I promise,” the Doctor replied, like he had been expecting the question. “No one loves stories more than children.” 

“Quill hates Rhodia, she wouldn’t tell her child about it.” 

The Doctor shook his head. “Well spoilers, but in about twenty years, a certain K. Quill writes a story about a freedom fighter set in the kingdom of Rhodia. Dedicated to her Mother.” 

“You knew Quill was going to have a baby?” Tanya asked. “What does K stand for?” 

“I had a feeling,” he answered. “I didn’t know that Quill meant Andra’ath until today.” 

“So, Quill survives the pregnancy?” Tanya asked, “that’s great! She’s way too badass to let her child eat her alive. She’s a tornado.” 

“Eat her alive?” Ram asked, looking mildly disgusted. 

Matteusz might have gotten involved with the conversation, if he hadn’t noticed Charlie carefully put down the Cabinet of Souls and slip out of the grand doors. He took a deep breath and decided to follow his- well boyfriend felt like the right word.

Matteusz spotted a blue blur disappear up a side staircase that they had bypassed earlier.

* * *

Charlie was standing at a balcony outside what must have been his bedroom once. It was covered in dust (space dust; it looked golden) now but without any of the scorch marks or blood that the rest of the house and planet was covered in. Charlie’s old room reflected very little about him - it was too tidy, even after all the time abandoned - whilst their bedroom back in Shoreditch was always messy and disorganised. There was a few books on politics and history but no art supplies or anything space related. It was like a completely different person had lived there and in a way, they had. 

Matteusz stepped out onto the balcony next to Charlie, noticing how immediately how his face was streaked with tears.

"You can not keep running away from us."

Charlie nodded, deliberately avoiding eye contact. "I didn't have a choice," he said softly.

"You could have stayed. I wanted that," Matteusz replied. He risked moving closer to Charlie. He didn't run off but he didn't look up either. He was looking at the city in the distance. It was empty, like the rest of the planet. It must have been a beautiful view once but Matteusz had a feeling Charlie could only see the collateral damage from the Shadow Kin.

"I meant with the Cabinet of Souls. I had no choice but to use it. The Shadow Kin would have killed everyone if I hadn't." Charlie turned to look at him, eyes glistening with more tears. "They would have  _ killed _ you. I wish there was another way. I'm going to wish that for the rest of my life."

Matteusz didn't reply. Charlie had killed so many people, an entire race. The Shadow Kin were evil and merciless and maybe the universe was better off without them. But genocide was still genocide and that would be hard to work past. "If you regret it, then it shows there is still good in you," he said after a long while.

"I doubt that sometimes," Charlie admitted. Matteusz wondered if he was right; that he could never be saved. (This was the Charlie he feared. The one who hated knives but could drive a screwdriver through someone's hand. He commited genocide but was sorry: what did that mean for his future? For their futures?)

"Do you want to kill again?" Matteusz had hoped he wouldn't have to ask such a question. But he found himself asking it anyway. One day, one act, had changed everything.

"Never," Charlie answered without hesitation. "But I think it's too late for me. What does that mean for my future?" He had clearly been thinking something similar.

"I don't know." Matteusz moved close enough that he could wrap his arms around Charlie. It felt the same as every other time: safe.

"I wish I could have saved Rhodia. I'll wish it forever. But still, I wish for you. If Rhodia was saved we would have never met. And I look at the place where I grew up and it’s like a whole different place. I don’t belong here and I can’t fit in on Earth and we all know I’ll never be normal. If I had stayed here, I would have been alone forever. On Earth, I’m stupid and annoy everyone-” 

“Tanya did not mean that.” 

“It was the truth.” 

Matteusz pulled Charlie closer, because they were close to the edge and he was afraid for so many reasons. “I think I can live without you but it won't be any kind of life."

“What?” Charlie asked. 

“Is a quote about love. I think about it a lot with you because of my parents. Maybe they would have let me stay if I did not have you. But, it would have happened eventually. And then I would alone. But I have you. If we are close after bad things happen it is because we are strong. We did not cause them. They happened. Life will be difficult but we can not let it pull us apart.” 

“I thought I lost you.” 

“Me too,” Matteusz agreed, although it hurt to admit. “Charlie, you are strong to survive this. Now, keep surviving Kochanie.” 

He kissed the top of Charlie’s head in a familiar comforting gesture. Charlie smiled like the sun peaking out from behind a cloud.

There was a familiar sound of the TARDIS wheezing in the garden. 

“It feel like I’ll lose Rhodia forever if I go. And I feel so bad because there's nothing I’d like more than to forget.” Charlie gathered an armful of books from his desk and pushed them into Matteusz arms. He opened a draw with a single sketchpad and clutched onto it. That was the Charlie Matteusz knew and loved. 

“By the way,” Charlie said, as they finally left the palace, “I think your quote is the wrong way round because I don’t think I can live without you. Not ever.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really sad but it's the same vibe of the lost. Credit to Matteusz' quote goes to Rainbow Rowell.
> 
> Let me know what you thought!


	16. Epilogue

“So, that’s it?” Ram asked, with a sense of accusation in his voice. “We just go home now and pretend we haven’t gone through all this? I don’t want to go back to not talking to you guys. I think you’re the only ones who understand any of this weird alien things.”

“I don’t want that either,” April agreed, taking Ram’s hand in her own.

The Doctor coughed, clearly uncomfortable with all the emotional talk. “Just because the Shadow Kin are gone doesn’t mean that the rift is closed. I have a bad feeling that the threat is still present.”

“Can’t you fix it?” Tanya asked, frowning. “There must be a way. You have a cool ship with all these buttons and none of them do anything helpful?”

“Don’t touch that,” the Doctor said, pulling her hand away. “I can’t always protect Coal Hill - I have to guard something important.”

“More important than us?” Ram asked, clearly agitated. “We may seem small to you but we matter, Doctor. We can’t do this defending of the Earth stuff alone.”

“Here,” the Doctor replied, after a moment. He pulled out a crumpled piece of paper and scribbled on the back. “My number, in case of an emergency. Below it is for a contact at UNIT but try not to contact them unless it’s a real emergency. They won’t approve of the hacking attempts. Or the unregistered aliens at Coal Hill.” 

April flipped the paper over. “Did you know Miss Oswald?” 

The Doctor froze. “Yes; a very long time ago.”

“This is just a homework slip with her name on the back,” April explained. “I miss her a lot. I think she’d help with all the alien stuff. She was tough.”

“Miss Oswald was always so funny,” Tanya said, almost dreamily. Ram raised an eyebrow but neither of them said anything. “And pretty. Was she involved in alien stuff then? I had a theory.”

“Ah, Charlie!” the Doctor interrupted Tanya as the two boys entered, weighed down by books from the palace.

“You okay?” April asked, looking incredibly concerned about her friend.

“I just got overwhelmed. Sorry,” he answered, brushing off her hand. “Rhodia is not the place I remember, but at least the Cabinet of Souls is safe. It is a precious artifact and it belongs here. But, I don’t and I’d like to leave.”

“Where to?”

“Shoreditch,” April answered for them, “I should go check on my Mum. She said your brothers are at my house Tanya.”

“I told them to leave London. Why didn’t they listen to me?”

“You are their younger sister. No one ever wants to leave them behind in danger. I know this feeling as well,” Matteusz explained, as if he had experience.

“You have a sibling?” April questioned. “A younger one?”

He nodded. “Marcelina. She lives with my parents so I can not see her.”

“It’s not even the end of the year and we all have tragedies. Lucky us,” Tanya scoffed. “Let’s just go-”

“Tragedy makes you stronger than you could imagine. They make you brave and kind and smart. You shouldn’t have to deal with it so young. But, find that strength and let it make you fast and clever and compassionate,” the Doctor said, with fierce kindness in his own, old eyes.

There was a long silence.

“On that note, I should go to Leeds. My Mum deserves to know about Dad,” Ram added, biting his lip. “I don’t know what I’ll tell her - maybe the truth. But she shouldn’t expect to come home to a family dinner when I’m the family she has left now.”

* * *

April clung onto Charlie for a long hug before she left. He wasn’t the best with affection - Matteusz had noticed when they’d started dating - but Charlie was clinging back. It was easy to forget sometimes how close the two best friends were. He was a little of jealous of that but not because Charlie was his boyfriend; Matteusz just didn’t have a close friend here the same way Charlie did with April.

It was a miracle for April to have survived the Shadow Kin and her own heart. But she was here, alive, forgiving Charlie when even Matteusz was struggling to process the events of the day.

When the two friends parted, Tanya and April stepped out into the street.

“How are you going to explain this to your brothers?”

“Like Ram said, with the truth.”

Matteusz went to step out behind them but Charlie broke off his hushed conversation with the Doctor to pull him back in and away from the TARDIS doors.

“We only live a street away from here?”

Charlie shook his head. “One more thing Matti. Trust me.”

“One last stop,” the Doctor explained, pulling on levers in his usual manic fashion. “Charlie’s pick.”

“You want to show me more of Rhodia?” Matteusz guessed, but Charlie already had a poker face. “What it is?”

The ship stopped wheezing and Charlie stood up, offering a hand to pull him up. Matteusz held on after they were stood side-by-side. He wasn’t ready to let Charlie out of his sight any time soon.

“I know you miss your home as much as I miss my own. So, it’s only fair if you get to see your home.”

“Really?” Matteusz opened the TARDIS doors to look down at his own home town of Łódź. He’d given up on the idea of visiting again after his parents had kicked him out - something Charlie had clearly remembered and aimed to change.

“We can’t go down because it would raise a lot of questions but-“

Matteusz pulled Charlie into a hug. “Thank you Kochanie.”

“I have a thing to check in the engine room,” the Doctor called. “I’ll give you some time.”

“Did you remember what I told you about always wanting to see it from above?” Matteusz asked, looking down at his old home with a content wave of nostalgia.

He’d grown up in the streets below before they’d moved to England.

“I think it’s really beautiful.”  
They were sat together on the edge of the TARDIS; their feet dangled above the mostly empty town centre.

“Was hard for you to see Rhodia.”

“Yeah,” Charlie answered. He rested his head on Matteusz’ shoulder and kissed the back of his palm. “I would be lost without you.”

“Tomorrow I will make the same promise I did today. I love you. We will work through it all.”

“One promise at a time is a good place to start.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From the start, I knew how I wanted this fic to end - with the image of the boys sitting in the TARDIS exit, looking down on Matteusz’ hometown and watching the stars. 
> 
> This fic was started before class was even cancelled officially, if you want to know how bad my update scedule is but I’m super happy to finish it! I have a few other WIPs to finish and a few one shots to finalise so look forward to a bake off au lol. 
> 
> Even if we don’t get a season 2, I’m so happy I watched this show because the characters, themes and optimism at the core of this show makes it one of my favourites I’ve ever watched. 
> 
> Feedback in comments is always appreciated. Or you can ask or message me @bazwillendinflames on my tumblr. 
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me through this :)

**Author's Note:**

> I have big plans for this series! And this fanfic is a pretty old idea with the gang visiting Rhodia to return the Cabinet of Souls. 
> 
> Love some feedback!


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